…doesn’t mean I will.
This scene will forever be incredibly painful to me. Axel, at this point, is probably 100% sure that he will never, ever see Roxas again. The very Roxas who made him feel like he had a heart, and made him experience jealousy and fear and sadness and, whether you see it platonically or romantically, love.This kid somehow embedded himself into Axel’s very being, so much so that Axel defied orders that he knew would cost him his life. He knew that Saix - his former best friend - would have him killed for disobeying orders, and yet Axel did so anyway, just so he could see Roxas again. And let’s not even get me started on how this fight - this fucking fight was Axel’s way of killing them both. In the novels, Axel planned to burn down the mansion with both him and Roxas inside so they died together, rather than get separated/killed by someone else. But Axel couldn’t do it, ‘cause it’s Roxas, ya know? It’s the only person (save for Xion, but he doesn’t remember her) that actually makes him feel something. So he just lets Roxas win, and promises to meet again in the next life. And you can tell by his body movement that he genuinely doesn’t believe that he’ll get a next life. He thinks this is it. He fucked up as Lea, he fucked up at Axel. There’s no more chances.
Except he was wrong. He did get a next life. He died, protecting Sora - protecting ROXAS - but he was given another chance. He was allowed to live again. Only Roxas isn’t there. It’s Roxas who didn’t get the next life. Roxas isn’t waiting for Axel, and so Axel’s all alone. The thing that mattered the most to him, the thing he gave his life for, isn’t there. He’s been given a new chance at life, but the reason he wanted the new life in the first place hasn’t.
This is why I find that scene even more heartbreaking. Because it’s Axel who had the next life. But Roxas wasn’t waiting for him. Axel’s just as lonely as now as he was before.
(Source: shslgirlfriends)
6,962 notes
![A drabble that started as a zombie survival before quickly morphing into an angsty je ne sais quoi under the cut :’D??
[[MORE]]
“Shit, Shit!” Roxas tore at the door handle, throwing his weight against the callous metal over and over. The dread bubbling in his belly grew unbearable as his desperate efforts made infinitesimal changes. Peering through the window insert, he made out the dark shapes of rubble pressing against the door.
“Roxas!” His partner’s strained voice sent a jolt down his spine, and he turned to find Axel now shuffling backwards on the floor, dragging his legs back with his bloodied hand. Before him, five of those shambling monsters had caught up and were prying and bumping past one another through the open doorway to get to their meal.
Roxas reacted on instinct, bolting from the door to Axel’s side. With shaking hands, he held up his handgun and fired in one hand as he embraced his companion with his opposite arm, only noticing then that he could barely feel his trigger finger as he fired one shot after another. The recoil shook Roxas, making him wince. The first two shots missed completely, the third sunk into an undead’s shoulders, sending the zombie staggering back with muck dripping from its gaping mouth.
“Don’t fucking waste ammo!” Axel barked, his own gun raised in a calculated trajectory at his target’s head.
Roxas felt his blood curdle in panic as his gun produced no blast after another pull of the trigger.
“No, no, c’mon, c’mon!” His heartbeat drummed menacingly in his ears as he dug into his pocket for a spare magazine, and Axel’s torso propped on his leg only made it harder to fish out. With the black cartridge in his clammy fingers, Roxas fumbled to reload his gun without obstructing Axel’s view of the undead.
“Anytime, now, Rox!” There were two zombies left—the others crumpled in a disgusting heap around the door, and Roxas was sure Axel was about to run low on ammunition with the heightened intensity of his voice. They were getting close; he could smell the putrid rot from their bodies.
The old magazine dropped to the floor, and with a snap Roxas slid the new box into place. He held up his arm, firing around into a woman’s collar, and another into her neck. Gore oozed from her fresh wounds, staining the front of her bedraggled shirt in dark, foreboding rivulets as she shuffled closer still. She moaned as she dragged her feet along. The flesh on her legs were already pocketed with open sores and decaying flesh.
There was the bang from another round, and a reverberating howl that bounced off the walls. Beside the woman at whom Roxas was taking aim, the undead male dropped to the floor with a sickening smack, a trail of blood gushing from his raw eye socket through which Axel’s last bullet pierced.
Please, goddammit please! The phrase repeated over and over in his mind as Roxas took aim at the undead staggering towards them. The grunting became loud, as if she were anxious and impatient, and the sound of it nearly paralysed him. Please…!
A shot rang out, and the woman’s dead body stumbled back, her head arched abnormally towards the ceiling. Roxas waited with bated breath as he watched her legs give way before she collapsed to the floor with a heavy thud.
The silence that followed almost deafened the younger man, who was still catatonic with fear.
Are they dead? Truly dead?
Axel released his empty gun, and as the adrenaline began ebbing away the pain in his wounded leg slowly returned.
“Fuck all,” he swore, breaths sounding laboured as he held his bleeding thigh in a death grip.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Axel, I’m sorry,” Roxas murmured repeatedly with slurred words, putting down his gun to embrace Axel against him instead.
“The hell you apologising for,” Axel responded with a choked laugh, “you just hooked a head-shot.”
It made Roxas feel no better—he was an amateur with firearms, and everyone in their group had known. Still, it hadn’t stopped Roxas from being his stubborn self and insisting he was capable of scavenging with Axel. And now, their situation looked grim, all because he wanted to prove a point.
“I need you to look at my leg, Rox,” Axel said shakily.
Roxas bit his lip, but nodded as he gently laid Axel on his back. He crawled to his wound, and felt his stomach lurch from the red-stained denim. Axel’s fingers were coated with crimson and still locked in a tight grip on his leg. He swallowed, peeling his companion’s hand from the blood as he assessed the severity. A laceration three inches long was welled in blood, and Roxas prayed an artery wasn’t nicked. His stomach felt queasy—he never did get used to seeing blood, even so long of living this hell—but he sucked in a breath and began to strip his jacket. Realising it was much too small to be an effective bandage, he peeled off his t-shirt as well. Goosebumps immediately rose on his skin as the drafty air hit his bare chest. He quickly took a glance at the corpses scattered about the room, making sure they were still expired. With quivering hands, Roxas nudged the cloth beneath Axel’s leg, placing the wrung fabric against the wound before securing it.
“This might hurt,” Roxas muttered before tightly pulling the sleeves. On reaction Axel let out a withered groan, his hands fisted against his sides. A second pained noise followed suit when Roxas applied more pressure and made a knot against the cut.
“Thanks,” came a breathy reply.
Roxas was about to respond until he looked down at his hands. They were now smeared with Axel’s blood, a ghostly reminder of how fragile they all were regardless of their skill with a gun. Donning his jacket, Roxas returned to cradling Axel in his arms. They remained quiet for a long while as they caught their breath. The young survivor waded through his options. He could leave Axel here, and run back to the hideout for help. But what if Axel was attacked while he’s gone? He could attempt to hold up Axel’s weight against him and they could both head back, but the slowness in their step would make them sitting ducks. He could go back out and search for the satchel he had lost and attempt to patch Axel up himself. No, he wouldn’t be able to—he wouldn’t trust himself with the task—he needed to have Namine perform it.
“You know, I often thought about what it’d be like to have you hold me like this again.” Axel said, breaking Roxas from his trance. He nodded towards the heap of corpses, “though I’d imagined our reunion with less company.”
His chuckle filled the stagnant air, and the morbid joke fell on deaf ears. Roxas grit his teeth, fighting the temptation to walk away from Axel right now, out of spite.
“Why did you leave, Rox?” Axel asked insistently, craning his neck against the crook of Roxas’ elbow to stare up at him.
“We have to get back,” Roxas murmured, “we need Namine to clean you up before it gets infected.”
“Answer me, Roxas, I want to know,” Axel countered, “If I’m going to die here I can at least apologise properly and have some closure before I kick it.”
“You aren’t going to die here. I’m not going to let you die!” Roxas snapped his mouth shut after catching himself biting into Axel’s hook. “This isn’t the time.”
“When is the time, then? I don’t know if I’m ever going to get the chance to be alone with you again.” He turned his head, nuzzling his nose against the bare skin of the younger’s chest.
Roxas bit his lip. He thought he was over it, he thought his past with Axel would have disintegrated into ashes almost two years ago. But now, seeing Axel again and having him by his side made those emotions he thought he had suppressed come rising back to the surface. He was still angry about it all, angry with Axel, frustrated with himself—with everything. Back tracking and owning up to the flaws in his personality wasn’t ever easy. He was stubborn, irate, and overconfident, yet he only ever sought to pin the entirety of their fallout, and his own melancholy that came with it, on Axel. He had left him to start over, to find himself and prove his own worth. Instead, he felt even more lost than before, not even gathering the will to leave far from the city in which he grew up. Then the undead began to reap his hometown. Just when he’d resigned to dying when the infestation grew worse, having found out any friends he’d made at the youth shelter have been overtaken or massacred, it was Axel who fought past them and found him hiding in the bathroom, who brought him to safety with the others and vowed he’d protect him. It was Axel who told him to keep fighting.
“Roxas,” Axel said, touching the hand curled on his chest.
“I don’t know,” Roxas began. He parted his lips to say more, but shook the notion away. “I need you to move. We need to go.” He pulled away from Axel’s warmth and the cool air hit his skin like ice. Shivering, he pulled the zipper up to his neck, though it offered little comfort while his arms and midriff were still exposed. He retrieved his handgun, remembering to de-cock it before tucking it away in the holster Sora had given him. With some difficulty, he pulled Axel up to his feet. The older male’s taller, heavier stature almost knocked him off balance as he leaned against him.
“Can you walk?”
“I think so, but I like having you hold me,” Axel said with a grin as Roxas began carrying him along with small steps.
“I’m not in the mood for this, Axel.” He muttered. “I just want to get back to camp.”
“Wouldn’t it been better for you to leave me here to get help?” Axel asked. They limped past the threshold of the storage room and down the hall towards the desolate clinic office, making sure to avoid the dead bodies strewn around them. Roxas kept his eyes forward, trying his best to ignore the disfigured, mutilated faces of the monsters at his feet. “I’m not leaving you behind,” He said defiantly, regretting the irony that followed. He steeled himself, tacking on afterwards: “our stupid guns may have been a welcome beacon for others zombies to come.” To this, Axel laughed softly.
The hallway to the front entrance seemed longer than before as they hobbled down the carpeted floor. Roxas made certain to avoid the jagged metal pipe protruding from the collapsed wall. The sharp edge of it was still wet in Axel’s blood.
As the two stumbled their way through the dusty mess of the waiting room, the taller man pointed under a chair.
“Your man-purse, Rox.”
Ignoring the tease, Roxas rested Axel against the wall before rushing to gather up the lost bag under the pile of destroyed furniture. The strap had been torn, the fibers frayed from where the zombie had grabbed. He opened it up, sighing in relief when he saw the wraps, needles, and vials of anaesthetics still undamaged.
“Could really use some of that pain-killer right about now,” Axel said.
“Right, and lose all function in your leg when you already have trouble walking? I’m not piggybacking you so suck it up,” came the retort. Roxas tied the loose end to the pouch, making sure it was secure.
Axel laughed. “Now that’s the Roxas I remember.”
A nostalgic smile crept its way onto Roxas’ face without volition, and he tried to hide it as he went back to hold Axel up once again. They walked slowly out the door, relieved to find no more zombies other than the stray few roaming about in a distant lot. After a thought, he plucked the handgun from his hip and held it up to Axel.
“There’s seven rounds left in there I think,” Roxas explained, waiting for Axel to wipe off any excess blood from his right hand before handing over the weapon. “So make it count.”
“Good to know you still trust me enough,” the redhead said. Roxas gave no reply. The words were of distaste to him, and only served to dampen his temperament from their momentary relief just moments before.
Axel noticed the strain immediately and apologised. “Roxas, please, I want to talk to you.”
“We’ll talk when things no longer go to hell.” Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat and stamped down the opposing voices in his head. He wanted to talk to him, wanted to try to be how they were before, as partners. At the same time, he wanted nothing to do with Axel, and hated having to need to depend on him. Coming out here with him was a mistake. The two men limped along, taking their steps in tense silence back in the direction of the safe-house, with Roxas ruminating on just how long he could battle with himself until the thought of letting himself die out here would serve as a more tempting option.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/c13a52e50c0fd6ac311471774bb75554/tumblr_mkzd4u4eZL1qm6dm2o1_r1_500.jpg)
![Monochrome steampunk AkuRoku >3< ♥ ♥ ♥
Un-beta’d drabble under the cut 8D I apologize for mistakes~
Time Stands Still
[[MORE]]
Roxas rounds the corner of the factory, narrowly evading the ray that zips by his head. He lets out a shout, losing his footing when the bullet meant for him hits a valve and releases a cloud of hot steam. He coughs, braving the heat and disappearing into the vapors to put more distance between him and the band of Heartless. He presses the microphone on his neckband on, catching his breath before hissing, “Sora? Sora, what’s going on, talk to me!”
He hears static for a moment, and he gives a long sigh of relief when Sora responds.
“We’re holding them back from the Heart crystals, but with every one we get there’s another one that takes its place! We need you down here! Kairi’s with Cid readying the Highwind right now but—“
Roxas ducks his head, Sora’s voice eclipsed by a high pitched ringing when a bright red ray slices through the steel pipes somewhere behind him, letting off another explosion of gas and steam. In the distance, he hears the unmistakable shouts of a fatal blow.
“Crap!” The young mechanic tears out the empty chemical vials in his gun, fumbling as he runs to pull the spares from his bracelet and load the barrel before someone takes the advantage. He turns on his toes, firing down several Heartless hot on his trail.
When he turns back around, a tall Heartless dressed in black armor stalks out in front of him, a large rifle aimed at Roxas’ head ready to fire. Roxas wastes no time, and brings the sharp blade of his weapon straight through the gun. He brings a leg up and kicks the pirate in the stomach. His adversary stumbles back, but rolls to safety before his bullet could graze him. The Heartless tosses his useless gun aside, only to swiftly reach against the holder on his thigh and bring up a dagger. It sparks, Roxas notices, and immediately changes his plan to attack him at close range. The Heartless lunges at him, and blond jumps back in a flip, firing his gun the moment he lands. This pirate is much more nimble and fast, and with every attack, Roxas could hear the buzzing of electricity that much closer to his head each time.
As Roxas tries to scale a mound of cargo boxes onto the next floor, the pirate pulls back the tarp beneath his boots and sends him crashing onto the grate flooring. The pirate pounces onto the boy’s prone form, and Roxas notices his vision tunnel, focusing onto the sparking blade that’s sure to go straight between his eyes.
Just as he resigns to see the world go black, the eerie yellow glow of the pirate’s goggles being the last thing he’d see, the Heartless is choked back, and Roxas hears the crack of a wrist fracturing. A strangled scream follows just shortly, and the blond finally realizes who his savior is.
The electrified blade is jerked from the pirate’s hand and plunged into a heavy bag of sand. Roxas watches in shock as he witnesses the pirate being thrown from the fourth floor and over the balcony into the factory atrium.
“Axel!” Roxas shouts, picking up his gun.
The tall man turns to him, the ragged cape draped over his left shoulder fluttering as he makes his way towards Roxas. He gives an acknowledging grin, his eyes shining bright green beneath the curved brim of his hat. His enigmatic guardian is back, and for the briefest of moments, Roxas loses himself in elation.
The smile on Roxas’ face disappears when he hears a stirring above them. Multiple snaps of bullets ricocheting off the metal surroundings send Roxas and Axel bounding apart to safety. Roxas just growls as he lays low, gripping onto his gun as he waits for an opening through the shower of bullets. He twists around, the barrel of his gun poking over the heavy tank he was hiding behind, and pulls the trigger. The pirate shooting from the railing lets out a single yelp when the acid-green bullet pierces through his neck, his large barrel gun falling abandoned as his body crumples.
With the way clear, Roxas climbs the mountain of cargo boxes onto the landing above him, and lays low behind a large bronze vat in the shadows. Roxas stays still, his heart pounding in his ears as he slowly surveys the area for Axel.
“We really need to stop meeting like this, Roxas.”
Roxas feels a strong arm encircle his shoulder, dragging him backwards until his head falls back. The blond doesn’t even have a chance to reply before Axel leans down and kisses him. He doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate the affection, bringing his arm up to pull Axel closer to him. The kiss is passionate and frantic, both of them wanting to give one another everything in the little time they had. For Roxas, the sounds of bullets and battle melt away into a muted blur, and time seems to stand still as he moves his mouth against Axel’s.
They break apart, Roxas grinning with satisfaction. “Yeah. Gotta stop meeting like this,” he repeats, stealing another quick kiss before bringing himself back into the battlefield.
“There’s a Zeppelin about five miles east carrying another merry band of your delightful thieving friends that’s about to tear this factory to hell. You need to get to Sora right now and get out of here with whoever’s left.”
“What about you?”
Axel pauses, and in a quick spin on his heels, the multiple blades of his sword pierces into the chest of a Heartless pirate attempting to creep up on them. Three more follow, but their attacks prove futile when Axel ignites the blade and sends all three of them screaming in pain as fresh flames lick their lacerated uniforms. The orange glow of their enemies floundering in fire bounces off the dimpled surface of the factory walls.
“I have a lovely tea party scheduled with the captain,” Axel grins, casually clicking off the gas running through his weapon. He takes Roxas by the hand and escorts him across the factory towards the door leading to the vault where Sora and Riku were defending.
“But I don’t know where we’d escape to,” Roxas says, staring down the hallway littered with deceased Heartless pirates.
“You don’t have to worry,” Axel responds, kissing the mechanic once more, “I’ll always be able to find you. You couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried.”
“You keep that promise, then, Axel,” Roxas whispers, stepping backwards into the hall.
“Trust me, I’ll find you soon enough. Now get out of here, and keep those crystals safe, Roxas.”
Roxas nods, hand gripping his gun blade tight as he runs down the empty corridor.
Axel watches until Roxas is out of sight. He smirks, and coolly strikes down five more Heartless who were waiting for him, setting the last one on fire. He seals the door to the hallway shut, making sure no Heartless could go after Roxas through there.
“Axel, you read me?” Through the cacophonous bangs and moans of metal bending and folding, Axel hears Reno’s voice in the receiver hidden in his ear.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“You got that little canary singing a song for you yet, or what?”
“Well, I can’t make him sing yet, but I bet I could make him do other things.” Axel responds, leaping to safety as bullets spray the floor around him. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the small bombs Rude had given him just hours ago, using them to great effect as he tosses them in the shooters’ direction. He ignores the cries of falling bodies and continues on his way.
“Yeah, I’m sure you can,” comes a sarcastic drawl. “I can’t believe you’ve actually seduced the kid into believing you’re his mysterious savior from the shadows.”
Axel chuckles, licking his lips while reminiscing on the kiss they had shared. “Is that jealousy in your voice, Reno?” Axel bites with a grin, quickly going up a ladder with skilled jumps until he reaches top level overseeing the entire factory. Through the collapsed ceiling of the destroyed factory, he sees the Heartless Zeppelin closing in.
“Did you make sure he got the crystals out safe, you fucker?” Reno says.
“Reno, don’t take me for an idiot, who the hell you think cleared the way for him and his little friends to leave with them?”
“You better do a good job holding these guys back. Xemnas will not be pleased if that next wave of Heartless gets the better of them and manages to steal those crystals. The last thing we need is finding a crystal or two missing because that little bird of yours isn’t able to hold onto the Hearts.”
“Don’t you worry your pretty head, Reno. Roxas knows what he’s doing, and before you know it, he’ll have all seven, and that’s when we go in to take the candy from the kid.”
“This coldhearted, no-nonsense bastard side of you is what makes me like you so much, you know that?” Reno leers.
“Yeah, I know,” Axel just grins.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma7j9zl2ag1qm6dm2o1_r1_500.jpg)
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